Many will know the feeling. And I’ll be the first to put my hand up and admit, I’ve been there.
Think back, or imagine… you aren’t replying to messages, you’re staring at your screen without really doing anything, not because you don’t want to, but you can’t. You’re feeling flat, distant, a bit disconnected from reality. You might even feel like you’re watching your own life through a blurry lens.
Simple decisions, like what to eat, what to do first (never mind second or third), whether to say yes or no, feel impossible to make.
These are classic examples of emotional shutdown.
What I’ve come to realise, with the benefit of some life experience, is that it’s not failure or inadequacy. My brain’s subconscious was just saying, “You know what, your cup is overflowing, you’re clearly not going to slow yourself down, so I’ll do it for you.”
Rather than a flaw, shut down is a circuit breaker.
In this article, I’m going to talk about understanding why it happens and how to work with, rather than against it, and a few preventative steps.
In this article:
What is Emotional Shutdown?
I used to think that emotional shutdown was weakness. How wrong I was.
Here’s the reality: it’s what happens when your brain hits cognitive overload. Think about it in terms of a computer/device with too many programs running. It slows down, and in the end, freezes. There isn’t enough processing power to keep all those things running.
And the same logic can be applied to us mortals. When demands on our attention, decision-making systems, and emotional energy outweigh our processing power, the non-essentials begin to close.
Layered on top of a bad night’s sleep, balancing the demands of full-time work and a young family, and the risk of shutdown compounds.
Common responses to this imbalance:
- Communication becomes harder
- Emotional responses are dulled
- Creative thinking stalls
- Decision making can feel impossible.
And here’s what so many get wrong. Shutdown is not avoidance, procrastination, or even laziness. Neither is it being cold, uncaring, or passive-aggressive.
It’s just about reducing brain processing demand until you’ve had the time to recover.
It’s a reset, it’s self-protection, and it’s temporary. Listening, inner critic?
Overwhelm Is a Systems Problem, Not an Emotional One
Most people think that overwhelm is an emotional problem. Far from it. What I see, and have experienced, is a capacity problem that’s mistaken for an emotional one.
It is inputs exceeding processing capacity.
Those inputs being tasks, decisions, notifications, bad news, bad people, requests, expectations, problems to solve, or choices to make.
When they start to pile up without a clear idea of priorities and controls, capacity is exceeded, and emotional impact follows.
| Too many simultaneous inputs | Notifications, messages, tasks, colleagues, kids, your own thoughts, competing for attention |
| Decision without clear criteria | When everything feels equally important, or urgent, decision-making is impossible (the Eisenhower Matrix can help here) |
| No clear priority structure | Without a system to determine what matters most, everything has the same mental weight (adapt the MoSCoW method to solve this) |
| Constant reactivity | Always responding to whatever appears in front of you, so you never get ahead of the curve |
For example, you find yourself feeling unmotivated, not because you’ve lost your drive (a positive emotion), but because motivation requires available mental bandwidth.
Similarly, connecting with others requires processing capacity, and if you’ve run out, guess what, communication and connection with others suffers. From the outside, it might seem uncaring, but this is far from the truth.
Framing it this way shifted my perception.
| Shutdown is about… | Is not about… |
|---|---|
| Volume and capacity Lack of structure Flow and pace of inputs | Emotional resilience Mental strength Intelligence |
The Hidden Costs of Staying in Shutdown Mode
There is temporary relief to be found in shutting down. It puts distance between you and the demand(s) / input(s), the pressure is off, and some clarity returns.
But if this becomes your default reaction, your preferred coping mechanism, it could create problems.
- Procrastination disguised as ‘rest’
“It’s just a little break, I’ll get back to it soon.” Unfortunately, the tasks don’t disappear. And you’ll never guess what, they sit there quietly in the background, getting more urgent and creating more pressure.
- Opportunities missed
Shutdown = survival mode = not looking for opportunities. If all you’re focused on is getting through the day, even just the next half an hour, you’re missing out on conversations, not pushing forward with projects, and not making connections. This affects your trajectory, professionally and in life.
- Creativity stifled
I count myself lucky to live with someone who is a true creative. She’s a graphic designer and creative director with years of experience. I’m fortunate that she helps me with the look and feel of the various projects I’m working on, which is something many people in my position, blogger and content creator, don’t have. A commitment she lives by, is making sure she has the mental space and energy to come up with her best ideas, most innovative solutions, and freshest perspectives. Shutdown simply doesn’t allow for that. And this doesn’t just apply to creatives!
- Relationships strained
Going quiet doesn’t mean going unnoticed. Perhaps your responses are minimal and you’re acting distant. People may not understand why, but they see the changes and know something’s off. Sure, if they knew, they might react with compassion and offer help. But in the absence of any reason, it can strain relationships that matter to you.
The short-term problems that shutdowns overcome multiply over time. Delayed conversations, postponed decisions, incomplete tasks, the list goes on.
Common Situations Where Emotional Shutdown Shows Up
Shutdown happens all sorts of reasons, but there are some common themes and knowing them can help with preparation.
The next part I say from experience, without some form of preventative action or intervention, the shutdown can outlast the trigger.
1) Big Transitions
We’re talking significant changes, things that don’t happen every day. For example: starting a new job or your own business, getting a new boss (a bad one), being made redundant or fired, launching a significant project, moving to a new city, being forced to move out of your home, etc.
If you’ve been through anything like these, you’ll know what I’m talking about: The uncertainty, disruption to routines, new decisions to make, unfamiliar surroundings, fresh expectations, etc. And sometimes just sheer frustration at the situation itself.
But context is everything. I moved to a new country because the company I worked for offered me a new role and had offices on the other side of the world. Yes, uncertainty, a few nerves (I was much younger), but a huge sense of excitement and adventure. On the other hand, due to completely unforeseen circumstances, I’ve been forced, with my family, to move home twice in less than a year. Once from our home, then out of the rental we moved to. Talk about overwhelm, and right in the middle of the pandemic. All fine now, if you’re wondering!
2) When Everything is Important
Many years ago, I read Stephen Covey’s life-changing “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, where I came across the Eisenhower Matrix, a model that’s helped me with decisions and priorities more times than I can remember. The project deadline, the relationship conversation, health, finances, you name it, ALL are important. But which of them are urgent, or eventually necessary? Without a framework to prioritise, it’s no wonder people freeze.
3) Unclear Expectations
I’m sure it’s something many of you have been through, and it’s one that you might not have even recognised at the time.
For example, not knowing what ‘done’ looks like, what success means, what others expect of you, or what you’re actually responsible for. Those are unknowns that force you to hold multiple scenarios and outcomes in mind.
In a professional environment and my life as a digital producer and project manager, a definition of done can be documented, and that helps everyone involved.
However, expectations from a bad boss, and in personal relationships, too, can be complicated to recognise, or even set, for that matter.
4) Living in Reactive Mode
I once had a colleague who lived in this world. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. A day consisting of what appears in front of her, be they messages, random requests, problems, or projects, she was always running behind.
You can never get to the second Eisenhower matrix quadrant. And say goodbye to planning ahead, creating any kind of structure or setting priorities. Shutdown is inevitable. In the case of my colleague, a resignation.
Why “Just Push Through It” Doesn’t Work
The advice I’ve heard time and again for dealing with overwhelm happens to be the worst. I’m talking about phrases like… “You’ll be fine,” “just keep going.” “Power through.” “Dig deep.” “Take a little break, get back into it tomorrow.” And in Australia… “you’ll be right.”
People mean well, but it simply doesn’t work like that.
As someone who’s experienced overload, that advice fails people who are already up against it. Shutdown doesn’t happen because of a lack of effort; it happens when processing capacity is exceeded.
That extra effort people are encouraging, nah. It won’t increase capacity, it’ll just increase the overload.
Think back to that laptop analogy. When your computer freezes, you don’t fix it by opening more programs. You start to close browser tabs and apps, freeing up memory and reducing system load.
Pushing through also fails is because you’re suppressing important signs. Carrying on regardless means the overwhelm quietly undermines your energy, focus, effectiveness, and general wellbeing.
How to Interrupt Emotional Shutdown (Without Forcing Yourself)
1) Reduce Inputs (Before Increasing Outputs)
This means a couple of things:
- Do less. Start here to release the pressure. Don’t begin anything new, just finish what you’ve started. Turn off notifications. Only check email at certain times of the day. Every input eliminated frees up bandwidth for the important stuff that remains.
- Environment. If you’re like me, and many other people I’d imagine, visual stimuli can contribute to an overwhelmed state. I like to get out into nature, for example, the trees or the sea are instantly calming. Meditation is also something that I’ve incorporated into my routine.
2) Externalize
Overwhelmed or not, something I only learned quite some time into adulthood was to externalise. Don’t try to hold too much in mind. It’s what Tiago Forte (productivity expert) calls a “second brain.” The idea that your mind is for having ideas, not storing them. So no more mental plate spinning!
Do a brain dump, which means writing everything down, including tasks, worries, decisions, and thoughts competing for attention. Use paper, an app, whatever you like. Immediately, you’re lightening cognitive load. This allows your internal RAM to shift from remembering to processing.
Better still, set a daily journaling routine, which will gives you a window to externalise your thoughts, which can work wonders by following the right prompts.
3) Focus on Small Steps
During a shutdown, big decisions can feel like a mountain to climb. Think next step, not the entire problem. For example, as part of a project, focus only on the next action that will move you forward, not ‘how do I finish this project?’ Small decisions take up minimal bandwidth. String them together and you’ll achieve the big goal without overloading yourself.
4) Create space
A common complaint in the workplace… “my calendar is chock-a-block,” “I’m back-to-back all afternoon.” This is self-sabotage and an overload guarantee. Always framed as, I’m indispensable, people need me. Look at how important I am to this organization.
But the result is that ‘real’ work still needs to be done, often at night. The amount of people you’ll see with their Microsoft Teams status set to available at night is astounding. Emails received at all hours. We’ve all done it, but there are people who take it that bit too far.
And so it goes in all areas of life…
5) Seek clarity
Clarity creates motivation, not the other way around.
When you know exactly what you’re doing, why it matters, and what success looks like, that helps create the conditions where motivation follows. In other words, drive increases by seeing a clear path between your effort and the outcome you want.
When everything’s a bit disorganised, your brain can’t make that connection.
On the other hand, if you’re waiting to feel motivated before taking action, shutdown could go on indefinitely.
Reframing Emotional Shutdown as a Signal
Quite often, the cause of a shutdown isn’t obvious.
Your brain is saying, “Something about this situation isn’t right, and it’s not sustainable.” The real question is not how to stop the shutdown, but what’s the underlying cause?
In these situations, there are three common culprits:
Trying to Do Too Much at Once
It happens all the time… too many commitments, decisions, responsibilities, and you soon find yourself over capacity, and something needs to give (i.e. postponed, delegated, eliminated, simplified; that’s where the Eisenhower matrix really shines.)
No Clear Priority
A lot of people struggle here, because when everything feels equally important, you can’t allocate your brain’s resources effectively. You must have a decision-making framework to help decide what matters most and permit yourself to let some things matter a bit less. Consider how MoSCoW prioritisation might be applied to real life.
No Time for Recovery
If you’re operating at maximum capacity and there’s no margin for error or rest. If something unexpected crops up, you’ll find yourself in overload territory because there’s no cushion to absorb it. Build some fat into your timelines without just trying to be more productive.
Successful people aren’t tougher or more motivated, they just learned to prioritise and adjust their approach and internal systems to fit. To them, early signs of a shut down is input, not personal failure.
So, reframe shutdown. It’s not a malfunction, it’s feedback. Don’t fight it, use it to ask…what is this telling me about my current situation and what needs to change?
An Overwhelm Reset Framework
When the signs of a shutdown are emerging, a simple four-step reset can help in the moment…
- Pause.
No more input. This means before you do anything else, don’t take on anything new. No projects, stop saying yes, and no new browser tabs! Stay focused on what’s currently on your plate. - Clarify.
What actually matters right now? We’re not talking about this week or this month, only right now, the next few hours, at most, today. What one or two things really need your attention? Park the rest and write them down so you aren’t using more bandwidth to remember. - Simplify.
What can wait? Other than those one or two things, decide what’s on pause. Don’t beat yourself up because you’re not abandoning it forever. This is intentional postponement. I had to learn this myself and that’s to give yourself permission not to hold on to everything at once. A lot of things will feel urgent, when they actually aren’t. - One small step.
Of those one or two priorities, what one small thing could you do to take you closer to completing one of those tasks? Then look for the second completable action do it. This is how to create momentum.
Final Thoughts
You’re not broken, you’re overloaded
If you’ve experienced shutdown, it wasn’t a malfunction.
You and I are operating in a world that requires us to handle more inputs than at any point in human history. More demands, decisions, and complexity than even our parents faced.
With that in mind, shutdown should be framed as a human system that’s behaving correctly, protecting us from damage by forcing a slowdown when the load become too much.
Many moons ago, I stopped trying to fight the tide by attempting to become someone who doesn’t shut down at all and instead, learned how to recognise shutdown signs early, deal with them effectively, and create the conditions where they occur less often.
For me, part of that was using effective ways to prioritise everything on my plate.
Always frame shutdown as a capacity problem, where any solution factors in structure, clarity, and mental space, not willpower, motivation, or self-criticism.
Next time you see the signs of shutdown on the horizon, ask:
- What’s my system trying to tell me?
- NOT, What’s wrong with me?